believing for the best

It was my kid brother's birthday over the weekend. He's not really a kid anymore though I guess. He's 28 and finally, finally pursuing his dream and what I believe is God's plan for his life. There are lots of big changes ahead for my brother in the next few months and years. When I think about all that lies ahead, I am, at times, overcome with fear and panic. Fear of everything and fear of the unknown. I realize that I cannot spend the next few years in this constant state of fear about what may or may not happen, where he may or may not be. These are all things that are out of my control.

What I can control is what I believe. I believe that God works for the good of those who love him. I believe that if I choose fear, it will rule my life. I believe that if I choose faith, I am believing God for the best. I am believing that when I ask my Heavenly Father to watch over him, to protect him and to guide him, that He will do just that. And that His plan and His will are perfect.

"Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deut 31:6 (The Message)

I shot this photo about a week ago. It was an overcast but warm day. I was just fooling around and caught several images that I didn't think much of at the time. When I got home and brought them up on my monitor, my first thought was, "Huh. That's kinda sad and depressing." I don't remember feeling this way at the time of shooting this photo though. Then I remembered an article I recently read by Tracey Clark over at Shutter Sisters.

"Over the weekend, during a low moment, I stepped outside for a little fresh-air therapy when, right near my front door, these tender leaves caught my eye. Tiny droplets from the previous night's rain were catching the only glimmer of light offered by the morning diffused with weather. The leaves looked so delicate and sweet. It wasn't until I pulled the images up on my monitor that I noticed a sadness, as the frail foliage seemed to be weighed down with each drop, weary with the burden. I felt through the image what I felt myself.

Does all this mean we do truly create photographs that mirror the state we're in? Do we shoot, saddled with our sorrow, or jubilant with joy, allowing our intimate vulnerabilities to be exposed through our work? Or, do we instead shoot through our exhaustion and despite our weariness in order to seek some kind of clarity powerful enough to lift us from our fog? Perhaps it's all dependent on what we need more at the moment we click - to express ourselves or to save ourselves. To realize that photography, this gift we have for interpreting others, can be just as much a tool for interpreting ourselves."

My goodness, I found this so fascinating. Makes me wonder. How about you? Does art imitate life?

fresh perspective

After a visit with our pediatrician and a pediatric opthamologist in the last few weeks, it was determined that Isabel needed glasses. She was thrilled with the idea. Four hours into this, she is not so thrilled. And there is absolutely no way to keep them clean and fingerprint-free. No. Way.

We've been told that the first week can be a little rough while she adjusts to wearing them and her eyes adjust to this fresh perspective. But we'll stick it out and we'll all get used to seeing her behind her snazzy new specs. Seeing her with glasses just makes me laugh and want to hug her a million times. I want to tell her she's beautiful and funny, not "Four Eyes." That will surely come.

I snapped a few images of her doing her happy dance (or somethin' like that...) when we got home. I said to her, "show me how excited you are about your new glasses!" and this is what you get....our funny, beautiful girl.

his curls

"Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever...it remembers the little things, long after you have forgotten everything." ~Aaron Siskind

starting somewhere

It's a cliche - "You've gotta start somewhere!" But that's just what I did this week.

Let me back up a little bit. I started on this photography kick just over a year ago. At the time I bought my DSLR camera it was kind of a whim. I was like 14 months pregnant with baby #3 and I was hormonal and not thinking rationally 99.7% of the time. I wanted to be able to take beautiful pictures of my family that I could be proud of and I wanted to capture everyday moments at home. Thinking back, I was tremendously overwhelmed at the thought of baby #3. I was panicking. In hindsight, I think I bought my DSLR as a way of saying to myself, "Do it! Do something for yourself that has nothing to do with these three little beings that consume your every waking minute." Now don't get me wrong - I adore my children and I enjoy being a stay-at-home mama. But for the past four years, they have been my life, my career, my passion, everything. I needed something of my own. Photography has been a tremendous creative outlet for me. I could never possibly know all there is to know about it and this is exciting to me. I'm constantly growing, learning and evolving in this area of my life. And yet it doesn't consume my life.

Fast forward to this week. My very sweet friend asked me to take some photos of her three kids. I couldn't believe she asked...and I was thrilled. I had no idea I would be in this place a year ago. But it feels good...it feels like going back to a place you've been before but haven't visited in a while. I feel a sense of accomplishment having given her some fairly decent photos of her kids. I caught their personalities and genuine smiles. The photos are not perfect - far from it. But I learned so, so much in the hour we spent together. For example, bathroom humor is always, always funny. And trying to get three kids to act naturally and smile genuinely is part luck, part strategy. And I have to brush up on my "Knock Knock" jokes.

A huge lesson I've learned this year about myself and photography - sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you get it right. In some small way this week, I feel like I got it right.

I did not get around to an inspiring blog tribute to my own mother yesterday - does she even read this thing? I did not take a single photograph yesterday. I simply enjoyed my three littles and, as I lay in bed last night thanking God for their sweet souls, I found myself wondering what they will say about me someday. What will my legacy to them be? My parenting style can often be very near-sighted. Sometimes out of necessity but often times because that's just my personality. I'm convicted to be more far-sighted and to really think about my children as someone's wife, husband, best friend, mother, father. I want them to know they are precious. Perfect in His sight. Wonderfully made. Cherished. I want them to love God and to have servants' hearts. These are the things I prayed for them last night.

"You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You are made for so much more than all of this. You're beautiful. You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His. You're beautiful." ~Mercyme